HELD
by: Karen Berry
God’s Word is living and active. That is why certain passages of Scripture can take us back to a moment in our lives in an instant. For me, Psalm 18 - especially verses 4-6 - is one of them.
The cords of death encompassed me;
the torrents of destruction assailed me;
the cords of Sheol entangled me;
the snares of death confronted me.
In my distress I called upon the Lord;
to my God I cried for help.
From his temple he heard my voice,
and my cry to him reached his ears. Psalm 18:4-6
As I read those words, I am immediately taken back to an ICU hospital room many years ago. What began as a quick trip to the hospital to get some IV fluids for dehydration snowballed into one complication after another. First, I had a severe flare-up of colitis, a recently diagnosed autoimmune disease, compounded by catching an infectious disease, C. diff. With these two diseases wreaking havoc on my colon, it quickly turned into a medical crisis and led to emergency surgery and an ostomy. In the days that followed, I developed a blood clot, and what had already been an overwhelming situation became even more life-threatening.
I was incredibly weak, bed-bound, and now in the ICU with very limited visiting hours; I was alone, and I was scared.
It was evening, and I was so tired, but I remember being so afraid to close my eyes because I wasn’t sure that I would open them again. The words in the Psalm were exactly what I was feeling. The cords of death encompass me, the snares of death confront me. The thought of never seeing my 5-week-old son, my 9-year-old daughter, my husband, and the family and friends that I love so deeply was more than I could bear. Sitting in this gripping fear and uncertainty, I did exactly what David describes in Psalm 18: In my distress I called upon the Lord; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears.
I wish I could adequately describe what happened next. No audible voice came, and my health circumstances didn't change. God didn’t whisper that I was going to live, or promise me I would wake up the next day. Instead, He gave me just what I needed in that moment: HIS PRESENCE. I felt Him so closely that the only way I know how to describe it is that, instead of being held by the hospital bed, I was being held in a hammock of His hands.
…but the LORD was my support. Psalm 18:18
Through the blessing of His presence, I knew I was not alone. I knew God was with me. I knew He was for me. I knew He would never leave me. Closing my eyes, I didn’t know if I would wake up in the ICU or if I would wake up in heaven, but I did know that either way, I was HELD by my Creator and I would be okay.
Later in Psalm 18, David describes God’s rescue: He sent from on high, he took me; he drew me out of many waters. He rescued me from my strong enemy. I love the picture this gives us. God heard David’s cry and reached down. God was active in helping David, and He was active in helping me.
That night in the ICU, I couldn’t see what was ahead. I didn’t know if I would get to go home and hold my baby again. I didn’t know how my body would heal or what life would look like after all I had been through. But God could see beyond it. He knew the days, months, and years that were still ahead of me. He knew how my story would unfold. Knowing what lay ahead, He knew I, like David, needed to be equipped with His strength for the battle. (Verse 39) Over the next year, I had many setbacks, multiple major surgeries, and altogether spent over 3 months in a hospital bed during the first year of my son’s life, but after that night in the ICU, I didn’t live in fear. Going into every surgery, I felt God’s peace within me. I felt His hands holding me.
You have given me the shield of your salvation,
and your right hand supported me,
and your gentleness made me great. -Psalm 18:35
Today, I can look back and see so many ways God brought me through that season. Most importantly, I came to understand what it means for Him to be my Deliverer. I thought deliverance meant God removed the thing that frightened me (and sometimes it does), but usually His help and deliverance begin while we are right in the middle of the storm. He gives Himself. He draws near. And His presence is enough to quiet our fears and bring us peace as we get to be still and be held in His hands.
Psalm 18 begins with David declaring everything he has known God to be: My strength, my rock, my fortress, my deliverer, my shield, my salvation, my stronghold. I had read those words before, and I knew them to be true, but in that ICU room, I experienced Him as My Strength, My Stronghold, and My Deliverer. I cried out, and He met me there, and he held me through the night.
So what challenges are you facing today? Psalm 18 reminds us to call out to the LORD and gives us the beautiful promise that our cries reach His ears. After crying out, I invite you to picture yourself being held by the God of the universe. Let yourself melt into the palm of His hand like you are sinking into a comfy hammock. Feel His peace, strength, and love blanket over you and just be HELD.
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Let Us Pray,
Father God, You are my Rock and my Deliverer. When I am overwhelmed and afraid, I am so thankful that I can call out to You. Help me practice resting in Your presence and trusting in Your plan for my life. When I am weak, You are my strength. When I am unsteady, You are my stronghold. And when I am overwhelmed, I am so thankful to be held by You. Amen
